It really WAS a dark and stormy day when I decided I’d best check up on my teen boys bathroom.
I had told them since it was THEIR bathroom, they had to clean it, which makes sense, right?
I had also taught them how to properly clean a bathroom, and supervised them to make sure they did it right.
So it was, I found myself wandering downstairs on that dark and rainy day, wondering what I would find, and confident that their bathroom would be okay, if a little lacking in basic hygiene.
Words can hardly convey how wrong I was, though I’m going to endeavor to try.
As I entered the bathroom, my nose immediately detected foul odors I had formerly believed were only found in those really nasty truck stops. Following my noses lead, I glanced around and froze in my tracks.
I gazed, eyes bulging out, upon the shower walls.
There were dirt stick figures drawn there.
I’m not kidding.
One of my sons had taken the time…had been so bored, that he had literally made caveman dirt drawings upon the shower walls. I tried to make out what exact story was being told, but my brain was still trying to cope with the fact there were dirt stick figures prancing around the shower walls.
Eventually I discerned what the stick figures were doing. It seemed they were having a little skateboard competition on the wall, which made it difficult for me to figure out who the culprit was, as all the kids were into skateboarding.
I forced my unwilling eyes to look down into the shower bottom.
There was still bath water in there.
Some joker from the previous night had decided not to JUST shower, but to also bathe? I could come to no other conclusion, and take my word for it, not one of my boys wanted to admit who had left the water in there.
I leaped back at some point, as between the odor and the murk in the water, I honestly had believed something moved in there, and looking back? I wouldn’t be surprised if some weird life form had been resurrected from what I was seeing so far.
Until that moment I had been rooted in place.
When I leaped backward, I used the sink to hold myself up from the shock I’d thus far sustained. It was then I realized that the sink was so full of dried toothpaste leavings, that a butter knife would be needed to scrape it all out.
That wasn’t the grossest thing I found in the vicinity of the sink. There was a jar…a mason jar.
It was filled with fluids I, to this day, will not speculate on.
This was my first encounter with mason jars filled with suspicious looking fluids, but not my last. To this day, the son responsible will not explain what was in those jars, or why he kept them. This is one reason I encouraged him to go to Florida, where he resides now.
My unbelieving eyes fell from the jar to the toilet.
Now, I want to give a huge shout out to men who flush, because a great majority of them do, and I applaud you gentlemen for your thoughtfulness, consideration, and selflessness.
Let us say not only that the toilet wasn’t flushed, but apparently someone had been in the burritos again.
That is all I have to say about that.
I inspected the floor next, and my jaw fell open as I observed the toothpaste lying on the ground. It was open, and to my abject horror, it was lying in a puddle of piss on the floor.
When I looked to locate toothbrushes, they were one floor in between the toilet and the sink..you know, where the funk always gets drawn to.
I looked away from that terrifying sight to observe the overflowing garbage can, with liberal bits of toilet tissue and q-tips scattered on the floor, along with various gum wrappers and other garbage.
It was then I realized, as I backed out, that I had toilet tissue that had been used for God knows what, stuck to my bare feet.
That was more than enough for me.
Not only did I run away, but like any obedient adherent to horror movies should, I went and grabbed my husband so he could view the carnage and verify my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN and……May all your bathrooms stay CLEAN!!!!