Rumble #2 in Neighborhell
Summer passed, and school was in session again. Hostilities weren’t that horrible in the neighborhood. Perhaps I should put that differently. I no longer cared, nor did I participate or make myself a target by being outside as much as I had been before. My husband walked up the street to pick up our kids from school, as he’s big, imposing, and not inclined to be a chatterbox, he was the best bet for keeping me out of shit. I thought if I removed myself from sight, perhaps things would go better, and for a time that worked.
Until one day when Apronstring went to fetch her kids. I should mention here that Oompa Loompa, Ho, and FelonTwo were in tight with one another, and Ho had never forgiven Apronstring for apologizing to Oompa Loompa for what we both deemed was unjustified behavior on our part. The fact that she happened to be outside when I verbally eviscerated Ho, was just another strike against Apronstring, so far as Ho was concerned.
So it was with little surprise when I walked out to fetch the mail that day, that I saw Apronstring stalking around in her front yard on the phone. She impatiently motioned me over, and then told her tale. Apparently, she had been walking up to get her kids, when Ho walked past her and told her “Bitch, you’d best watch your back.”
This put Apronstring in a fury, and truthfully I wasn’t that far behind. After all, Ho chose to mutter this inane threat when Apronstrings kids were running down the street, having already gotten off the bus. It struck me that had it been uttered to me, I would’ve thrown down, kids or no kids, right then and there…have I mentioned I happen to be hotheaded?
Ho had been walking up the street to go to FelonTwo’s house, where Oompa Loompa was already. I’ve no doubt as a psychic and observer of human behavior, that Ho bragged about what she did as soon as she was in FelonTwo’s house.
This served to infuriate me more, because I knew if it would’ve been ME in the same place, that dumb, toothless Ho wouldn’t have said a word, for fear of what I might do next.
So I told Apronstring we would wait til Ho returned to her home from FelonTwo’s house, and have OUR say when she came back down.
This was noticed by Ho, Oompa Loompa, and FelonTwo. Apronstring and I, after all, were stalking around in her front yard, pointing in FelonTwo’s direction and making no doubt that we were watching and lying in wait for Ho to return.
When the cowardly bitch did come down, she had her kids protectively circling her.
Like that would stop me.
I’ve repeatedly, and will, until the day I die, proclaim I am not a saint.
As soon as she got close enough, Apronstring and I were on her like a dog on prime rib. My role was clear; to harass and “tree” Ho before she could retreat to her Fortress of Hoitude, so that Apronstrings could get what she wanted to say out there.
Naturally, the whole neighborhood was outdoors, word having flown that shit was going to go down soon, and no one wanted to miss the show. It was with that in mind that I loudly proclaimed, as a message to all watching, that “Apronstring doesn’t have to watch her back, because I’m watching it for her, why don’t you try and get through ME!” This wasn’t something Ho appeared able or willing to do, and she had nothing to do but stand there and take it like a woman, no less.
It was when Apronstring was lunging at Ho like a pit bull, that my attention was called to FelonTwo and Oompa Loompa, who were both whispering to one another, and grinning. That I had stood up for Apronstring, and they wouldn’t stand up for one of their own amused me mightily, and because of it I laughed loud and long.
That was both a good and a bad thing, as it gave me the appearance of lunacy, which is necessary whenever you want to scare the living crap out of someone, and a bad thing because both Oompa Loompa and FelonTwo were glaring at me as I laughed practically in their faces.
I say with no great pride in myself that after laughing in Oompa Loompa and FelonTwo’s faces, I went back to work verbally assaulting Ho. It appeared Apronstring was done, so I went about my work with relish and great amusement at the time. To my mind, NO ONE threatens my friends without payback, and as I am a Scorpio, God help you if you get in the way of me or my friends, lol. Ho did eventually retreat into her home, whereupon Apronstring and myself went into her home and discussed the best lines, and so on and so forth.
Shortly after, Anonymousteenbitches moved in next door. I didn’t include them in my colorful introduction of the cast of characters because they are very, very minor players, owing to the fact they didn’t live here terribly long. They are worthy of note only because they were intimately involved in Ho’s campaign to bring me down.
Inadvertently, my husband had driven the Anonymousteenbitches to the Ho side, when their vicious, constantly yapping little dog attempted to attack him one day, as he was walking back from picking our four year old from preschool. Brian immediately called Animal Control who had some time containing the mutt. In fact, at one point, Brian observed the Animal Control man accidentally bonking the dog on the head, in a effort to get that little loophole thing around it’s head. Worse yet, the dog PASSED OUT on it’s way to the Animal Control truck, so it appeared the damn thing was dead to the curious neighbors who came out to look.
Well, word got around quickly that we had beaten the dog unconscious, and left it with Animal Control for dead. This was obviously not the case, and FelonOne, I found out later was perpetrating this lie. I marched up to his house and confronted him about it. Not only did I set the record straight about what happened, I also noted that this huge man, (who, if you’ll remember, the cops, humane society, AND social services were on the lookout for) was bowing his head like a coward and refusing to look me in the eye.
At any rate, that got the Anonymousteenbitches (one of whom admitted freely later that her own dog had in fact, attacked her and her sisters) on Ho’s side.
What happened from there is still the stuff of legend in the neighborhood.