Dueling Debit Cards
Just a quick blurb here, as things have settled down and I’ve more time to blog…though I must warn you, a book is cooking in the back of my brain, lol.
Suzanne and I decided to get our nails done, week before last. We headed over to a place she knows, and then were immediately separated across the great divide while our nail techs chatted with one another. Not being known for restraint, I looked over the wide expanse and began shouting at Suzanne, who by description alone is a beauty, and a quiet, demure one at that. She grinned, as she knows me all too well, and then semi-shouted back….which made for some entertaining looks passed around the nail shop.
We lost contact at some point; or maybe it was just that the tech I was working with nicked my hand and I forgot to scream something amusing at Suzanne. I shut up for awhile; I confess I should have looked at Suzanne, but I was busily ensuring I still had five fingers on each hand at that point.
Per virtue of what was being done to each of our hands, Suzanne finished before me, so when I finally made it over to her, she waited while I let my lovely greenish blue nails dry (I don’t do red or pink, thank you very much). She asked if I’d be interested in a smoothie, and as I’ve plumped up again, I said “Hell yeah!”
Off we went, walking towards the smoothie shop located a few doors down. When we arrived and perused the offerings on the board, Suzanne and I weighed the pro’s and con’s of each flavor. The high point of our perusal was when I pointed out the price of the small, large, and medium, and Suzanne gasped. I mean a theatrical, holy shit gasp. I enjoyed it, and despite the prices, we moved slowly up to the counter, still deciding what to go for.
As we reached the cash register, I noted gravely that Suzanne had moved closer to the register, and so strategically moved a foot into position to leap in front of her before the wench threw her debit card in front of mine, thus paying for both our smoothies.
We made our selection, and I thanked the Lord that my keen observational skills had granted me the ability to, plump or not, make a leap forward ahead of Suzanne. I suppose it should be noted that Suzanne is tiny; perhaps she just acknowledged the fact that my body crashing into hers would probably prove fatal. It’s immaterial, really. The result was that I paid for the smoothies while we had a mini-fight about who got to pay, which was pretty immaterial as I already had.
While the incessant grinding of our key lime smoothies assaulted our ear drums, I starting shouting at Suzanne again. I opined in loud tones that this would be the perfect time for me to start screaming at the top of my lungs that fisting had been great the former night, but that it was affecting my hemorrhoids adversely. The effect on Suzanne was immediate and very gratifying; she doubled over with laughter while the shop owner turned and looked at us curiously.
The shop owner hadn’t heard a thing.
Suzanne and I are on for a trip to Walgreens this week. I don’t know what will happen, but I do know after our last adventure at Walgreens buried somewhere in the archives of this blog, it should be memorable.
I anticipate a fight at some point; one in which a stunned cashier, waitress, nail tech, or some other purveyor of goods watches in dismay and a fair amount of disbelief as Suzanne and I jostle for better position, throwing our debit cards at the poor person who must gauge which one to use. We have employed this before, and the only thing that worked in my favor was that we happened to be eating at Olive Garden.
As we dueled with debit cards while the stunned server looked on, unsure of who’s to take, I won the day by promising a better tip than Suzanne would have given. I’m not sure that ploy will work again, but I’m quite looking forward to how Suzanne tops it…IF she can, lol!
Thus the challenge is issued; and thus my blog readers can rejoice that Suzanne and I are now in very close proximity; because I do things in her presence that shouldn’t be done, say things that shouldn’t be said, and laugh uproariously the whole time. I hope you will enjoy the SNL Chronicles; I know I sure will!