Lydia Aswolf

Summer had rolled around, and tensions were very high in the neighborhood. Luckily for me, the twelve to thirteen kids in the neighborhood were to usually be found in my backyard under my supervision on my days off. When I worked, Apronstring was watching my two boys plus the other kids in, you guessed it, my backyard.

I don’t blame her, I set up my yard to be extremely kid friendly, above ground pool, ten foot tall waterslide, swingset, and trampoline. As I knew Apronstring was still short on cash, I also bought a nice playhouse for the kids which needed to be constructed. Splat, Apronstring’s husband, was always talking himself up as some master builder, and as he did work in construction at the time, I paid him a handsome fee to put the playhouse together, which resulted in the kids gawking about, and spending even more time over here.

Didn’t even care that somehow he put the playhouse together backwards, it worked, and that was the point, and it WAS safe, I took a stroll in and all over it to make certain. So the kids now had something else to catch their interest, while their mothers and fathers were nowhere to be found. It became something of a joke between my husband and myself that our neighbors avoided us like the plague, yet they would let their young kids down to play unseen by them in my backyard (that continues to this day).

I had a couple issues that pissed me off with Apronstrings that summer. One was that she actually was being paid for watching my sons, yet invited her friend who had three kids over to MY backyard to play one day. I was attempting to work, and had not been asked beforehand if this was ok with me. So when I heard even MORE noise than usual from where I was working, I poked my head out to see. I noted there were two adults for about 16 children, and I had to abandon my work to come out and supervise. Apronstrings assured me they could take care of it, but as it was my property, therefore my homeowners insurance that would screw me without benefit of lube if something untoward happened, well I was going to make sure nothing bad did happen. I was further incensed that this friend of Apronstrings had brought a infant when it was 95F degrees out. The baby was flushed, and while the mother did keep water out there for it, I thought it was not the best example of motherhood I’d seen, to put it mildly . The hours passed by, the baby was fitfully napping, and I was trying to be polite, though I was much more quiet than normal. When they finally retreated to Apronstrings yard (when my husband came home, he’s not neighbor friendly, thank god) I felt great relief, as would be expected. The next day Apronstring apologized, as she noted that I was much more quiet than usual, tipping her off that something was not cool with me. She complained endlessly about the woman who SHE invited to invade my backyard, and said she’d never invite her over again.

The second incident that pissed me off and ended our babysitting arrangement was when I took the kids over to Apronstrings house to be watched one day. Swallows, her oldest son, answered the door shushing us because his mom was sleeping, and told my kids they’d have to be quiet. My kids at the time were four and five years old, and she also had a four year old herself, plus two other kids..and apparently she was sleeping while they did whatever they decided to do. The next day, I told her that I was “afraid she wasn’t getting enough sleep” watching my kids and her own, because of that, I didn’t feel it was “fair” for her to continue watching them. Naturally she protested because I had been paying her a handsome wage for her services, but I held my ground as sweetly and tactfully as possible, and that was that.

As far as I knew, there was no fallout from this. Yes, she did talk to FelonTwo and Oompa Loompa, but she avoided Ho as much as possible, and as I’ve stated before, I didn’t care if she was talking smack anyhow, lol…why not join the crowd?

I myself had avoided Oompa Loompa and Ho like the plague, as I had no respect for them, the way they let their kids run wild in MY yard while they talked crap about me and my family. But as seems the norm, things came to a head one day.

If you’ll recall in my last post, I had called Social Services on FelonOne and FelonTwo, as their four year old, Snot, had come to my house wearing thin pajamas in 20 degree weather, not knowing where his parents were. I had also told Apronstrings, who told Oompa Loompa, who told Ho. What I didn’t mention in that post was that I, at that point, was the only person who had called Social Services. Apronstrings had told me about the 11pm visits to her home by Snot who just walked into her house and asked for food. Apronstrings also told me Oompa Loompa had seen the kid wandering alone down the street in extremely cold weather, again with no adult in sight.

So it was with little surprise I watched as FelonTwo approach me. She outright asked if I called Social Services, and stated Oompa Loompa told her this was so. I not only said no, but used my powers of persuasion and logic to convince her otherwise. As we talked, Apronstring, Ho, and Oompa Loompa, plus their assorted spouses, were watching from a distance with great interest.

I have repeatedly stated I am no saint. In my place, I don’t doubt you would’ve lied your ass off too. Why? Well gee, I guess when my husband witnessed their oldest son, FutureFelon trying to break into houses in the neighborhood, vandalism crossed my mind as a possible result of saying “Yes, you stupid bitch, wake up and smell the damn coffee, you suck as a parent, and are quite possibly the biggest pimple on the ass of humanity I have ever seen.”

So she went off, not convinced, but laying off for the moment. Of course, there was a conference then, and with great amusement I watched as Apronstring, Oompa Loompa, and Ho went into FelonTwo’s home to discuss what had happened.

I have noted Apronstring had stated she was acting as a spy to relate what was happening, and that by what actions I observed (such as attending the conference) she was talking plenty of smack on her own.

That said, the Terrible Trio didn’t fully trust Apronstring, despite the crap she talked about me. The woman did, after all, talk to me on a daily basis, to “fill me in” on crap they said I didn’t want to hear, and certainly did NOT react to.

You’d think more drama would begin and end with me, right?

Nope.

Apronstring soon ran afoul of the Terrible Trio.

In coming to her defense, I inadvertently launched myself, yet again, face first into a steaming pile of shit.