I am often approached by young men and women, eager to know if they are about to get into a long term, committed relationship.
Most often, I advise them to take their time, and not leap into anything.
I do this because I know most of these young people don’t have the faintest idea what true commitment consists of.
If they persist in their quest for “the one,” I inform them in no uncertain terms of what real commitment means.
Because true commitment isn’t about being cute, everlasting happiness, or gazing into one another’s eyes for eternity.
True commitment means staying up and holding her hair when she’s puking her guts out, be it drunk or down with a bout of flu.
True commitment means using the applicator when his hemorrhoids are acting up.
You get to clean the applicator after you are done; he’s in too much pain to do so himself.
True commitment means knowing when she says “Nothing” is wrong.
Something is wrong.
Unfortunately, you are going to have to take it like the man or woman you are and “talk it out.”
True commitment means knowing you can manage to provide your kid’s Christmas.
But you and your partner will go without.
True commitment means you pick up her tampons while visiting the store alone.
Even if there is a price check on the damn things.
True commitment is watching your partner give birth.
After you both recover; her from the process, and you from the visual effects of said labor.
You’ll be eager to resume intimacy-because you love her.
True commitment is having a raging bladder infection, and making love anyhow.
When your partner notices your fever, you smile and take it like the true woman you are.
True commitment is picking up whatever your wife craves, whenever she craves it.
No matter how ridiculous it might be…or at what hour it’s demanded.
True commitment is turning to one another in the midst of a financial crisis.
You don’t how you will make it.
Only that you will make it.
True commitment is waking up together, and smiling secretly as your nude wife heads towards the bathroom in the morning.
Scratching her ass on the way.
Yeah, you hit that…and are happy you do.
True commitment means you get used to your partner scratching due South when the urge strikes.
Be it with guests present, while out grocery shopping, or at your mother’s house.
True commitment is threatening to beat the stuffing out of someone else’s wife…because she insulted your wife.
True commitment is knowing your partner hates sorting socks.
You sort socks so they don’t have to, even though you secretly hate those little fuckers, too.
True commitment means telling her that outfit makes her bum looks bigger than a elephant’s because you care.
True commitment is thanking him or her when told your bum looks bigger than a elephant’s because you know they dared to care.
True commitment means exercising and dieting together.
Even though you would willingly rip out a random guy’s throat for a Snickers bar.
You refrain from verbally or physically assaulting your partner.
True commitment is NOT withholding sex for power. On that path lies danger.
True commitment is your partner telling you his mother’s cookies taste better than your’s do.
Instead of being insulted, you try harder, and come up with the superior cookie.
Eternal smugness ensues.
True commitment means going to your partner’s family reunion willingly.
True commitment is listening all year for your impossible to buy for partner.
Scrimping and saving to get that ONE thing they mentioned they wanted just to see the surprise on their face which is your one, true gift for the holidays.
True commitment means on a sweltering night when the air conditioner busts, you give him a sponge bath with a cool cloth to keep him comfortable.
If you do a good job, you might get lucky.
True commitment means when your partner faints, puking on your hands, you catch her anyway.
Then you help wash her hair, if that’s what you caught her by.
True commitment means cutting his toenails.
Even if they seem to leap of free will into your mouth, eyes, or other vulnerable orifices.
True commitment is finally trying the Swedish meatball recipe he makes that you avoided for years.
You love it, and your partner doesn’t hold it against you-except for that really weird gleam in his eye’s every time he makes it.
Hmm, eternal smugness ensues.
True commitment means not faking orgasms. Ever.
True commitment is sincerely wanting to know when he comes home silent and taciturn.
Not for curiosity, but simply because you love him enough to find out and make him feel better in whatever way you can.
True commitment means matching the indentations and cuts on your lower leg with his toenails to prove he kicked the crap out of you in bed the night before.
Helpless giggles on both sides ensue.
True commitment is dozing off into a peaceful night’s rest.
Only to be jerked awake when your partner decides she wants to talk.
Instead of taking the end table and beating her unconscious, you say yes in all the right places until she shuts up and you can finally get to sleep.
True commitment dictates through the years, you will each tell one another the same story roughly ten thousand times.
Neither of you mind, and in many cases, encourage the retelling.
True commitment dictates you will see your partner lose a loved one.
You will cradle their head in your arms while they cry.
You will drop everything, spend your last penny, get a loan if you have to, to make sure they won’t miss the funeral, that final good bye.
True commitment is seeing your partner age and suffer through the indignities time places upon us all.
You will turn your partner, if you must, every two hours to prevent bedsores.
You will read to your beloved with Alzheimer’s and remind them of the good times, the bad times.
Anything to keep just a little bit of them with you.
True commitment is knowing one will outlive the other.
How you face that truth is up to you.
True commitment is when the honeymoon ends…and real, ‘true’ commitment begins.
Nothing worth having comes easy.
True, long lasting, commitment is worth having.
But like like anything else worth having…
It doesn’t come easy.